


This is My Tune For the Taking (A timestamp for The Doors of Time)

by felisblanco



Series: The Doors of Time [5]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-25
Updated: 2009-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-22 11:09:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felisblanco/pseuds/felisblanco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A timestamp for <a href="http://felisblanco.livejournal.com/856417.html">The Doors of Time</a> set between Part 2 and the epilogue.<br/><i>He reaches for the doorknob but pauses at the last moment. There are lines that Jensen expects him not to cross. Lines they’ve never talked about but Jared knows are there just the same. And what he’s about to do will overstep one of those lines, a fundamental one. Jensen’s magic is his secret, his to share, not Jared’s. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	This is My Tune For the Taking (A timestamp for The Doors of Time)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Song For The Asking](http://www.sendspace.com/file/d9sb8y) by Simon & Garfunkel.  
> Dedicated to [](http://lizajaneok.livejournal.com/profile)[**lizajaneok**](http://lizajaneok.livejournal.com/) for being awesome. *smooch*

There’s a kitchen table and twenty-four years of history between them. It seems symbolic somehow, all things considered. Time carved into the wood, rings of seasons they’ve shared and lived through, now smoothed out and polished to set the table for his future with someone else.

“It was always him, wasn’t it?” Sandy’s voice is strained and her lips are thin, but her eyes show more sadness than anger. “Ever since…” She swallows, tugging at the sleaves of her sweater until they cover her hands. “It was never me.”

Jared looks at her and wishes he could deny it. But she’s right. Of course it has always been Jensen. From the moment they first met, even sooner. Thinking back on the day he saw Jensen sitting under that tree in the park eighteen years ago he _knows_ that Jensen was waiting for him, even then. A lonely ten-year-old boy, waiting for his soulmate to find him. It would be ridiculous if it wasn’t so sad.

“Yes,” Jared says and Sandy hitches her breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I just didn’t realize that he was… that we were…” He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did.”

She sounds tired. Older than her twenty-eight years. He keeps forgetting she is the same age as Jensen. He seems younger, more childlike somehow, but still there are moments when Jared will gaze into Jensen’s eyes and the depths he sees there seem to be filled with centuries of wariness.

“I thought…” Sandy’s voice breaks and Jared instinctively reaches out for her hand before he remembers they’re not those people anymore. He pulls back, sad and awkward, thankful that with her head bowed she fails to notice his slip-up.

“You made me believe you loved me,” she finally says. The words are accusing but the tone holds only grief.

“ _I_ believed I loved you.” He sighs when her face crumbles. “God, I mean, I _do_ love you, Sandy, I just don’t…”

She nods, quickly wiping at her eyes with her fingertips. “You don’t love me like you love _him_.”

“I don’t love _anyone_ like I love him. He is…”

Jared stops and cocks his head, listening. The slightly nervous [Scarlatti](http://www.sendspace.com/file/jb5w3d) Jensen was playing earlier is getting faster, harder. Jared sighs and closes his eyes. ‘ _Hey_ ,’ he thinks as loud as he can. ‘ _Stop it. We’re just talking._ ’ The music falters and Jared suddenly realizes it’s the first time he’s ever heard Jensen hit a wrong note. He frowns. Jensen can’t really be that worried, can he?

He opens his eyes to find Sandy watching him, looking like she’s not sure whether she should be worried or irritated.

“He is my missing half,” Jared says simply. “That’s what he is.”

Sandy shakes her head, her eyebrows pulled tight. Like she’s trying to understand and she just can’t. “He’s just a man, Jared. God, he’s not even that. He’s…” She huffs in frustration. “One day you’re going to wake up and see you threw everything away for a guy that’s… He’s not all right!”

“Sandy,” Jared warns but she won’t listen and he’s too tired to argue. It’s always the same speech. About how he’s throwing his life away. How he’s giving up everything for a guy that is not worth it. Whose mind is not all there. How restraining it will be. How imprisoning.

“Jared, what kind of life is that?” she finishes aggravated and Jared sighs in exasperation. He can’t do this anymore.

“Come with me,” he says and reaches for her hand but she snatches it away, shaking her head in anger.

“What? Why?”

“I need you to see something. Please.”

She sits stubborn for a moment but then she reluctantly stands up and follows him out of the kitchen, still refusing to take his hand.

  
[Satie: Gnossiene No.3 / Pascal Rogé](http://www.besserwiss.com/felisblanco/Gnossienne%20No.3.mp3)

The music coming from behind the closed door to Jensen’s studio has changed to a quiet melody, sad and weary. Dwindling hope and resigned sadness mixed in sweet notes, so beautiful they make Jared’s breath hitch. He lays a palm against the door, feeling Jensen’s emotions vibrate the wood and he wishes for the hundredth time that he could make Jensen believe in his own value. That he could convince Jensen that it wouldn’t matter what he was offered; this, _them_ , will be his choice every time.

He reaches for the doorknob but pauses at the last moment. There are lines that Jensen expects him not to cross. Lines they’ve never talked about but Jared knows are there just the same. And what he’s about to do will overstep one of those lines, a fundamental one. Jensen’s magic is his secret, his to share, not Jared’s.

He just doesn’t know what else to do. It’s not just about making Sandy see what makes Jensen so special. It’s about not losing someone that’s been a part of his life since the day he was born. And he _will_ lose her if this continues. He thinks, hopes, that Jensen will understand that.

He turns the knob and quietly opens the door. A couple of butterflies flutter out through the crack, wings a deep indigo color that Jared doubts exist outside Jensen’s world. Sandy stares after them surprised as they disappear down the hall before looking at Jared in question. He doesn’t say anything, just pushes the door wide open and steps inside the room, beckoning her to follow.

She doesn’t. She stands in the doorway, mouth open, eyes like saucers. Jared casts a glance at Jensen but he hasn’t noticed them yet. He’s sitting by the piano, eyes closed, his fingers a flurry of motion across the keys. The floor is covered in grass and above them a pale moon shines in a starlit sky. The air is crisp and clear and everything smells of autumn.

“Come on in, it’s ok,” Jared whispers, reaching for her hand again. After a long time she allows him to take it and then steps over the threshold, sucking in her breath when she feels the softness of the grass underneath her bare feet.

“Jared?” she asks, voice timid, and he pulls her closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

“This is why,” he says quietly. “This is what he is.”

She blinks, her breath shallow and rapid. “What is happening? Jared, what is happening?”

He smiles and whispers in her ear, “You’re being enchanted.”

He can feel her tremble against him, pressing in closer for protection. “Is he…? Is this real?”

Jared picks a rose off a small bush, pink and bright and perfect. He holds it out to her but she just stares at it, rigid. He smiles and puts it under her nose so she can breathe in its scent and feel the tickle of the soft petals against her skin. It makes her hitch her breath and he laughs quietly.

“Real enough for you?” he asks but as the words leave his lips the rose starts to fade into a pink-tinted mist, dissolving between his fingers. That’s when he realizes the room has gone silent. He looks up to find Jensen staring at them in shock, eyes wide with hurt. The grass and the dark-blue sky fade away and soon it’s just a room again, with green walls and hardwood floors and Jensen, shaking with anger.

“What is she doing here?” he whispers, voice hoarse. “What the _fuck_ is she _doing_ here?”

Jared quickly pulls his arm away from Sandy’s stiff shoulders and takes a step toward Jensen, hand raised in apology. “Jensen, it’s ok,” he says, keeping his voice low and soothing, but it’s no good. Jensen is up from the bench and backing away into the furthest corner of the room before Jared gets close enough to touch him.

“No!” He’s shaking his head, quick violent jerks that make Jared’s neck hurt just to look at them. “No, it’s not ok. Jared, it’s _not_ ok!”

The air crackles and out of the corner of his eye Jared sees frostworks blooming on the windows.

“She can’t be here. She can _not_ be here.” Jensen closes his eyes, fingers frantically drumming against his thighs. “Oh this is not good. This is bad. This is so bad. This is so, so bad.”

The piano does an angry key mash and Sandy jumps back, staring at it in shock.

“Jensen, calm down.” Jared steps closer and gently lays a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Breathe.”

Jensen jerks away from him, eyes snapping open. “Don’t tell me to fucking breathe!” he hisses and sparks of electricity rain down from the overhead light. The tangents are hammering the strings now and a flock of angry and panicked notes come flying from the cracks between the keys and start smashing into the walls and floor. Some of them hit Jared in the face, stinging like tiny shocks of electricity. Sandy gives a small frightened noise and Jared looks quickly over at her. There are notes stuck in her hair and she looks absolutely terrified.

“Okay, okay,” he says as he turns back to Jensen. Gold flickers like fire in the green sea of his eyes and it stings, seeing all that anger directed at him, even if he knows he deserves it. “I’m sorry, I made a mistake. Jensen, please.” He swallows. “You’re scaring me.”

Jensen goes absolutely still. The world seems to hold its breath, the piano stuck on a high note that goes on and on and on. Then Jensen blinks and just like that everything goes quiet. The notes hit the floor in a rain of metallic tingles before slowly dissolving.

Jared breathes out. “Thank you,” he says quietly, lowering his hand until it once again closes over Jensen’s shoulder. This time Jensen doesn’t pull away but the muscles under Jared’s palm are rock hard with tension.

“Why is she here?” he says in a blank voice. The effort of keeping his emotions reined in is making him shake. “In this room. This is my room, Jared. She can’t… _My_ room!”

A low rumble in the distance has him tensing even further and he squeezes his eyes shut. Jared glances out the window. Dark clouds are hovering over the city but as he watches they start to pull away, leaving the sky as bright as before. He turns back to Jensen and is met with grey-green eyes, carefully looking through him.

“I know. I’m sorry. I should have asked you.” Jared sighs. “Jensen, I love you. Okay? I love you but she is still my friend. She’s my oldest friend. But I can’t stay friends with someone who hates you.” Behind him Sandy hitches her breath but he doesn’t turn around, his eyes fixed on Jensen. “I thought maybe if she saw _you_ she would understand and things would be okay. You know? I just… I had to try.”

Jensen gazes through him, his face so void of emotions it’s scary. Then suddenly he breathes out, shoulders relaxing as his features soften and he raises his head, focusing on Jared with weary eyes. “You could have asked me,” he says in a low voice. “I would have said yes.”

Jared swallows. “I know. I’m sorry.” He brushes his knuckles over Jensen’s cheek, breathing out in relief when Jensen turns his head slightly to press the corner of his lips against Jared’s fingers. “Are you ok?” he asks, quiet so Sandy won’t hear him.

Jensen nods. He’s still trembling. “Just give me a minute.”

Jared nods, licking his lips. “Are _we_ ok?” he asks, even lower.

Jensen laughs. It sounds a little broken. “I will always love you no matter what stupid thing you do,” he says tiredly.

Which doesn’t really answer Jared’s question except he suddenly realizes that for Jensen it probably does. That as far as Jensen is concerned Jared can do pretty much anything and he will always be forgiven for it because the alternative, them _not_ being okay, is unthinkable. It’s frightening, having that advantage. Even more frightening when he realizes it works both ways. That no matter how badly this would have ended Jensen would have been forgiven. They should probably have a talk about boundaries. Soon.

Jensen breaths in and out a few times before looking up and past Jared. “Hi, Sandy,” he says, wearing the patent polite smile that Jared hates. But he’s trying and that’s more than Jared can ask for. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

Jared turns around, catching her frightened eye with his. ‘For me,’ he begs silently. ‘Can you please do this for me?’

Sandy lets out a shaky breath. “What are you?” she asks in a low voice.

“I don’t know.” Jensen’s smile brightens a little, like he just remembered something. “Weird?”

She laughs, a little hysterically. “Really, _really_ weird.”

Jared flinches but Jensen just grins, already relaxing. “Oh, you’ve seen nothing yet.”

He makes a small motion with his hand and the door slams shut. Sandy jumps at the sound, her eyes widening in panic, and like a trapped animal she instantly backs away. Jensen’s smile drops like a stone.

“No, I didn’t mean…” he says quickly. He looks over at Jared then back at Sandy. He looks shaken. Like her fear hurts him the same way the memory of his mother’s fear still hurts him. “I was just going to… I thought maybe I could play for you,” he finally says, dejected. “If you want.”

“But…” Sandy’s eyes shoot to the door and Jared walks over, showing her how easily it opens before closing it again.

“Things can get a little wild,” he explains with a small smile, eyes on Jensen. “Better to keep it in one room.”

“Oh.”

Jared holds Jensen’s gaze, waiting until he relaxes slightly and the pressure of his worry eases off Jared’s chest. Then he turns to Sandy, relieved to see that her fear seems to have somewhat subsided as well. She’s still staring at Jensen, like she can’t quite believe what she’s seeing, but she doesn’t look like a deer in headlight anymore.

“Come on,” Jared says, taking her hand and leading her to the couch. “Sit down and just… enjoy.” He settles down on the other end, leaving as much room between them as the small couch offers.

Jensen stands for a moment, back turned and chest rising and falling slowly in forced breathing, before he sits down at the piano. He puts a hand on its panel and instantly some of the tension in his shoulders fades away. When Jared gives him a thumb-up of encouragement Jensen even smiles a little. He sits still, running his fingers silently over the keyboard while murmuring something in a voice too quiet for them to hear. Jared doesn’t know if he’s soothing the piano or Minna. Or possibly just himself.

Sandy glances at Jared, her whole posture stiff and anxious where she sits on the couch, ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. Jared just smiles at her and leans back, settling in for the ride.

  
[Schubert: Op. 90, D. 899, Impromptu in E Flat Major / Jenö Jandó](http://www.besserwiss.com/felisblanco/02%20Op.%2090%2c%20D.%20899%2c%20Impromptu%20in%20E%20Flat%20Major.mp3)

It starts light at first, one happy note running after another in a game of catch. Then louder and more insistent. The magic flows from Jensen’s fingertips, turning the room pink as the sun slowly sinks down behind green hills. A horse raises its head, chewing straws of grass as a spindle-legged foal runs circles around it, neighing happily. A rabbit pops its head up from a hole in the ground, looking around nervously before daring to come out, tiny baby bunnies following on its heels. The air is warm and everything smells of spring. Jensen laughs, everything and everyone forgotten as he gets lost once again in the world he’s creating.

Jared watches him, his heart swelling with pride and love so fierce he wishes he could fling the windows open and show the whole world what it’s missing. He looks over at Sandy, at her wide eyes and her mouth open in wonderment. When he reaches across the couch and takes her hand she grabs hold of him, her heartbeat pounding in her fingertips.

Jared breathes out. Maybe. Maybe, he thinks, everything will work out after all.

fin


End file.
